Apartment 22F. Petite with long brown hair and dark brown eyes, Lea watched the world around her, taking everything in. from the school yard to the neighborhood to the saga swirling around her at home. She watched carefully taking note of how people behaved, in deceit, in selfishness, in lust and in greed. She watched with a growing sense of determination to be something different.
Not someone like her dad…his angry spells were frightening and his heavy drinking turned him into a person she didn’t like. The fighting was terrible to watch but the begging was unbearable. He begged everyone for money, even her. She tried to hide from him every time he came home in a drunken stupor hoping to avoid the scene he would make. He would tell her he loved her, give her kisses and hugs and then ask her for money. She knew better than that. She wasn’t fooled by his false confessions of fatherly affection. Dad was drunk and would say anything to sink further into his drunken euphoria. Besides, what money did she have to give? She was only eight. And even if she did have some, she knew better than to hand it over to him. She knew exactly what he would do with it. She knew that if he got what he wanted his pitiful cycle would only continue to spin out of control until it destroyed them all. Momma made sure she kept Lea safe and alert to the attempts of her drunken father. Momma handled the dirty stuff on her own and didn’t need anyone’s help standing her ground against Dad. Sometimes Lea wasn’t sure if Momma was really making things better at all. When their words got louder and voices began to shake with anger, Lea’s stomach would begin to sink lower into her body until she was sure she would either puke or fall to the floor from the terrible nausea. But Momma knew how to hold her ground and hold it she did. Whether she held it with a frying pan poised in her hand and ready to be launched across the room at Dad or whether she held it with her hands on her hips, Momma was a formidable match..
But Momma also had a softer side, like all mommas do. Momma knew how to comfort her little ones and make them feel safe. Momma trusted God to take care of all of them and encouraged Lea to speak with God on a regular basis. Dad said he was a Catholic and Momma said the same thing too, but one day Momma took Lea aside and told her that if she ever wanted to talk with God she didn’t have to go to a priest to do it. If she needed to confess, she could speak directly with God Himself and He would hear her. By the tone in Momma’s voice and the look in her eyes, Lea knew she was right. Whenever Momma would send her to the corner store to buy something for dinner Lea would walk and talk to God, telling Him her dreams, confessing her innocent sins and asking Him for His help. Lea knew He could hear her, she felt Him walking next to her, protecting her from strangers eyes and whispering encouragement into her ear.
Lea would be different from Dad and even from Momma. She would break the cycle of painful addiction and would never give in to its appealing temptations and glittering fun. Lea wouldn’t marry someone like Dad either. She wouldn’t be like Momma having to deal with outbursts, drunken greed, stupid addictions or the lack of a real provider for her and her children. Lea would be different from Momma too.
Day after day Lea would dream of a life where she had everything she needed, new clothes instead of hand-me-downs, food from restaurants instead of the staples given to them by the government. She dreamed of a house with a front porch, a flower garden and an excessively large backyard where her children could play safely instead of being subjected to always wondering if they were on someone else’s “turf”. Lea imagined driving a car with room for everyone instead of having to sit them on each other’s laps and even on the floorboards of the car. Lea would travel the world and would even travel in an airplane someday. She would stay in hotels and order room service. She would leave the oppressive community of government housing and break free from it’s claims on her life. She would be different!
To be continued….
