the girl

sometimes she couldn't sleep. she'd lay with eyes open letting her imagination flow freely across the world of possibility. what should she do? where should she go? who should she be?

she could be anyone she wanted. she could be mysterious and withdrawn or outgoing and confident. she could reinvent herself depending on the environment around her and the people she watched. the very thought of being someone new gave her excited chills and brought a hint of a smile to her lips.

she could get rid of the girl that she was now and be the girl she has always wanted to be. she could be better and smarter and sexier now. she could dye the gray hairs creeping over her curly locks and start losing that weight she promised herself she was going to get rid of for good this time.

people in a new town wouldn't know who she used to be. they would think she was always this fantastic and they would fall in love with her right away. not like the people here. they were used to her. they watched her journey from fantastic to her current state of boring and it was unlikely they were going to be much of a captive audience for her return trip. actually they were the ones keeping her boring. they were boring and had brought her down to their world of beige. every now and then she'd try to break free, but their comments and veiled criticisms of her attempts at beauty would push her back down to her real world with it's mid-rise bluejeans and tennis shoes. she'd pull her t-shirt out of her drawer the next day and wash the beauty from her hair.

ponytails were all she wore now. ponytails and t-shirts. she hated to be this girl. the sadness of her thoughts slowly pushed her into her sleep as she worried if she would forever be held captive to the deadness that she had become...no matter where she went.